July 16, 2024
Listen to our new podcast episode with Renee Benes on the Unstuffed Podcast!
Join us for an insightful episode of the "Unstuffed Podcast" with host Renee Benes, featuring Emily Montgomery, founder of the HiLU app.
In this episode, Emily shares:
Tune in to explore the benefits of genuine connection, the power of voice communication, and how you can create a space for positive affirmations in your life.
Links to Episode:
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"Note: This transcript has been provided to improve accessibility for the hearing impaired. It has been edited for clarity and readability."
Renee Bernes [00:00:00]:
Hey there, it's me, Renee. Welcome back to the Unstuffed podcast. If you're anything like me, I think we are at a place where, more than anything, we should really be focusing on building up and encouraging one another and, you know, really giving one another those reminders of all of our highest, best qualities that we can. And just imagine what our lives would look like if those were the only words we heard from one another. You know, if we had this secret little pool that we could dip into whenever we need little words of encouragement or a boost in self esteem from anyone who's ever said anything kind or wonderful to us. Like, I know I would want to dip into that as often as possible. And that's kind of where my conversation today went with Emily, who is the founder of a company called Hilu. Hilu is an app that focuses specifically on giving one another this kind of uplift and encouragement, whether it's a time when we know the other person needs it, or if we're just thinking of someone when we want to send them a little bit of love.
Renee Bernes [00:01:11]:
So I got to sit down with Emily today and talk about how she came up with the idea for this app, how a trip across Spain helped her realize just how powerful those encouraging words can be because she received them from so many people during her travels. And, you know, what we can do to start kind of working toward a world where building one another up and encouraging each other is just a natural way of life. But before we dive into today's conversation, I just wanted to remind you that there are going to be some shifts and changes happening in the podcast in the coming months, and that your continued support and encouragement has meant so much to me as I go through the process of making these pivots and changes in my life that feel a little bit more aligned with who I want to be. So if you want to continue to support me and encourage me on this journey that I'm going on, or learn a little bit more about what I've got going on behind the scenes, you can head to the show notes and click to sign up for my 50 favorite book recommendations, and I will be sure to shoot you a few emails that fill you in a little bit on what's going on behind the scenes, how you can continue to be a part of all of it, and, of course, you'll get my 50 top book recommendations, too. All right, now that we got that out of the way, let's dive into today's conversation.
Renee Bernes [00:02:34]:
Hi, Emily.
Emily Montgomery [00:02:36]:
Hi. Good to see you.
Renee Bernes [00:02:37]:
Yeah, thank you.
Renee Bernes [00:02:38]:
So much for being here, like I do with every single episode. Do you want to kind of give my audience an intro to who you are and what you do?
Emily Montgomery [00:02:48]:
Yeah. Thank you for having me on. This is a great opportunity, and I'm looking forward to our conversation. My name is Emily Montgomery. I'm the founder of HiLU, which is a company focused on giving and collecting other centered gratitude messages and other centered kindness audio notes. It's an app that I've developed over the last year, and I'm really excited about it.
Renee Bernes [00:03:17]:
That's so great. So I guess I have a few. Is it kind of just like recording little notes for and sending them to other people, or how does that work?
Emily Montgomery [00:03:26]:
It's recording audio notes that you then send to other people. And by sending them through my app, it allows people to collect all of these sort of gratitude messages in one place. So the idea is that, say, your teenage daughter, for instance, would have notes from you, from family members, from teachers, all telling her the best parts of herself. The idea would be that she can then kind of live into those higher parts of herself and live into that.
Renee Bernes [00:04:04]:
Oh, that's so great. Then you kind of have one little place to go to for all of this self talk, self uplifting place.
Emily Montgomery [00:04:13]:
Yeah, And I think the idea is, and a lot, at least this is true for me, it's a lot easier for me to see the best parts in somebody else than it is for me to see the best parts of myself, particularly in my twenties, this is something that I needed, that I benefited from. I had a number of mentors in my life that were really good about just repeatedly affirming different parts of myself that I couldn't see yet.
So in that way, we can all be the light that we need.
Renee Bernes [00:04:51]:
That's so amazing. So what kind of brought on this idea then? Was it because of those mentors?
Emily Montgomery [00:05:00]:
It was because of those mentors in sort of a concentrated fashion. I had one of those mentors actually passed away unexpectedly, and I was in the process of starting to take care of my dad, who has Alzheimer's, and I decided to go on the Camino del Santiago. So I started walking across Spain thinking about the meaning of life, and I really just wanted to find a way to honor what my mentors had given me and figure out a way that we can all do that in a regular way.
Renee Bernes [00:05:45]:
That's amazing. Those are the things that spur us into action. So you went on a walk through Spain?
Emily Montgomery [00:05:57]:
Yeah, I walked across the whole country. It was over 600 miles. It starts in France, and then you actually cross across the top part of Spain. And then I walked all the way to the ocean.
Renee Bernes [00:06:13]:
Holy cow. Was this a solo trek that you did or what?
Emily Montgomery [00:06:18]:
Well, I did it alone. I traveled alone, but I also was not alone because I had support from other people who were constantly sending me voice notes. And I actually had a group of people that all recorded me different audio notes, and I was able to listen to those along the way and know that I was not really alone. So it sort of has some different layers to it. The creation story has different layers.
And, of course, it does come from a place of figuring out what really matters in life. And it comes from a place of facing the darkness, I guess you could say. But I was able to find some light there.
Renee Bernes [00:07:10]:
Oh, my gosh. I would imagine. So how long did that take you?
Emily Montgomery [00:07:15]:
40 days.
I just went ahead and made a Biblical – It's a pilgrimage, an official pilgrimage. And there's stamps that you can get along the way and you get a certificate and all that, which I actually didn't end up getting.
I sort of have spent my life getting degrees and validations and external things, and at the end of the day, I just decided I didn't want another piece of paper hanging on my wall.
Renee Bernes [00:07:50]:
Oh, that makes sense. That's interesting, though.
Emily Montgomery [00:07:54]:
Yeah. It's something about it just sort of felt icky or off to me. It felt like I was kind of participating in something like collecting gold stars when it really was supposed to be an internal journey.
Renee Bernes [00:08:09]:
Right. It wasn't about the certificate. Well, so besides having this kind of realization, you know, or this idea of creating this app, anything else that kind of came to light.
Emily Montgomery [00:08:22]:
I guess I would say I really took with me really great experiences of connecting with other people. When you're out there and your only agenda is just to walk, you drop into really deep conversations really quickly and really easily. And for the most part, you're surrounded by people that are either going through something, they're questioning the meaning of life. Some people have gotten divorced, or maybe there's a contingent of kids that are in their early twenties, and they're just having an adventure. There's a lot. There was just so much I learned from different people about, particularly people that were moving into a retirement phase of their life, about how they were thinking about their retirement and how they were spending their time. And I met some awesome people there.
Renee Bernes [00:09:22]:
Oh, that's so amazing. I think those transition periods are so funny how, you know, we have those life transition periods that we expect maybe retirement is one of them, but then we also all can kind of find ourselves in a transition period that we didn't necessarily know was going to happen.
Emily Montgomery [00:09:41]:
Yeah.
Renee Bernes [00:09:41]:
Do you kind of feel like that's where you were at?
Emily Montgomery [00:09:43]:
No, I mean, it's sort of. It happened, and I was open to it, I guess. You know, you can stuff it down. You can have a midlife crisis, you can buy a fancy sports car, or you can lean into it. Right. And find out what the lesson is there that you're really supposed to be learning.
I think there's two options. There's all sorts of different ways that people handle these moments. Right. It sort of reminds me of the beginning of Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert's book where it starts with her crying on the bathroom floor. Right. It's the moment where she just was totally at her wits end. Whatever this is, is not my life.
And you can make some good things out of that moment.
Renee Bernes [00:10:47]:
Oh, absolutely. Full confession. I have never read or seen Eat, Pray, Love.
Emily Montgomery [00:10:55]:
I mean, you should at least see the movie. But the book was fantastic. But my favorite book of hers is actually called Big Magic.
Renee Bernes [00:11:07]:
I read that one, yes.
Emily Montgomery [00:11:08]:
Oh, good. That's one of my favorites. It's just about ideas, kind of being kind of like creatures that want to become manifest in the human dimension, and if you don't follow them through, they'll kind of go and visit somebody else. So it's one of my favorites.
Renee Bernes [00:11:29]:
Yeah, it was very interesting, and I was actually just thinking about that. I had a call before you. I didn't talk about it on the call, but I was thinking about it. So it's really funny that you bring it up where she talked about how. Oh, go ahead.
Emily Montgomery [00:11:45]:
It's almost like Big Magic itself. Right? Like, somehow I picked up on that and said it out loud.
Renee Bernes [00:11:53]:
Yeah. That's so crazy. It was where she had started writing a book, and then stopped, and her friend wound up writing, like, almost the exact same book without any knowledge, It was just those really crazy ideas. So do you kind of feel like that's what spurred your journey then? Do you feel like it was just an idea that wasn't leaving you? And like you said, you kind of had all these little breadcrumb pieces that you have people leaving you voice notes. You've got this major transition in your life. Was it just kind of this thought that wouldn't go?
Emily Montgomery [00:12:33]:
It was sort of an inspiration moment. I do have voice notes of myself talking to myself right where I am.
And putting different ideas out there. I'm naming it, and you can hear in the audio. You can hear my footsteps, which is kind of cool.
That's not a normal thing to have in your audio notes, there was a lot of, like, crunchy, gravelly noise, which sort of brings up an interesting point that I found in the research after I got home, which is, when you're expressing other-centered gratitude or kindness or other affirmation, however you want to say it, using your voice is really important. And a lot of people, they won't think about the methodology or how they're delivering the message. A lot of people will grab their phone and send out a quick text message. But if you want to optimize your well-being and the well-being of other people, you should actually bring your voice in. And that's because when we're listening to those messages, we're scanning for warmth and sincerity, and we can't pick that up in the text message. And actually using your voice is really tied to your own well being and feeling that you're actively participating in a human relationship. So the fact that I can sort of remember that crunchy gravel in the audio notes kind of ties back to that research where it's like, you need to hear the voice, and it's really impactful.
Renee Bernes [00:14:23]:
Oh, that's so amazing. So that reminds me of, I heard or saw somewhere, and I can't speak to the truth of this, but it sounds very similar to what you're saying that they did. It was like a survey of teenage girls who, when they received text messages from their mom, would cause them to spike cortisol. They would get more stress than the girls would. But if they talked on the phone with their mom, their stress levels reduced.
Emily Montgomery [00:14:51]:
Yeah. Recently, I've come across that study as well, and it's sort of tied in with this whole body of research. And one of the professors that runs some of this research is Amit Kumar, and he's at the University of Texas in Austin, where I'm at. And he was nice enough to sit down and kind of run through some of this research with me. I love that teenage girl study. The voice is just so important.
Our voice is encoded with information about who we are and what our state of being is. And we need that not only for ourselves, but for the people that are listening to us. Like those teenage girls.
Renee Bernes [00:15:36]:
Wow. Well, that's really amazing. And I never really thought about that before, especially, like you said, just sending a quick text of encouragement to somebody to take the time and do a voice memo instead.
Emily Montgomery [00:15:51]:
Yeah, I know. It's an interesting thing, right? I would never want to discourage somebody from writing a handwritten thank you note or sending a text message or sending an email. But it is better if you can push through some of that internal resistance. We have a lot of excuses that run through our heads when we talk about doing voice memos or audio notes. We don't want to make it awkward. We don't want to make the other person uncomfortable. But the research actually indicates that is not the case. Like, we think the awkwardness level will be here [indicating high]
And the awkwardness level is really, like, just a smidge [indicating low].
Renee Bernes [00:16:43]:
Well, that makes sense because, I mean, sometimes even just sending a text is awkward. Like, I'm one of those people who I overdo it with emojis because I think I'm trying to convey emotion. So anything I say, I have to do, like, the laughing face or a heart, you know, I need them to know how I'm feeling behind what I'm saying. Because you're not getting it otherwise, right?
Emily Montgomery [00:17:03]:
Right. No, a text is so impersonal. There's another study on, like, mental well being where people who took the time to have a phone call with a friend over the course of a weekend reported being significantly less lonely, and they felt more connected and energized by the end of the weekend. And people that didn't take that action actually felt lonelier. So it's really interesting. And I feel like a little bit of a hypocrite, right? Because in my teens and my twenties, I never answered the phone.
I was like, “What? Don't leave me a voicemail, please. Just text me. Like, what are you doing?” But now that I know the research I do, I'm really diligent about, like, let's have a phone call this weekend. And I am one of those people now. If you're texting me back and forth, I'm going to call you. And there's memes making fun of these people on social media, but it's better for everybody.
Renee Bernes [00:18:14]:
You're so right. And that's what I kind of, for me, I've had people recently in the last week call me out on this, but I specifically hate group texts. Can really make me feel very overwhelmed because it's like, ping, ping, ping, ping. I've turned off notifications, so I don't constantly get those because that's too much for me. But if I've missed, like, ten to 75 different messages, I can't. I don't want to catch up. I don't want to read through it. And then people are, why aren't you responding? That kind of thing.
I get that kind of frustration back, but I used to be such a texter. Like you just said, I prefer sending a text or receiving a text over a call. And lately I feel that same shift probably happening. Do you think it's because we're all kind of realizing or feeling internally like, that there's a loss of connection. Do you think maybe we're feeling it on some level?
Emily Montgomery [00:19:14]:
I do think so and I think this sort of ties in to. We're always on our phones, especially in the post-Covid world. Like, we are in front of a screen all the time. And so when you can get on the phone, you can sort of put it on speaker and then not look at the screen, and you can focus on the other person. And we really, I do think we're kind of intuiting that social media, in a lot of ways is kind of the junk food of social connection, and it's us staring at a screen in this very passive manner, and it's making us think that we're getting social connections, so we keep going back to it. That's why it's so addictive.
Right. And we're, of course, hardwired for connection, but we can't actually get it that way. It's just the same as eating empty calories. It tastes good in the moment, but it's not nourishing your body or soul, in this case.
Renee Bernes [00:20:19]:
That's so interesting. I guess I feel like I've probably heard that said before, but it seems to have clicked where, you know, it's called social media. So we feel like we are being social, but we're really not. So do you think that's kind of where the impact of, like, a personal note can kind of be the shift? Because when you're watching social media, it's something like, for me, I know I create social media. I'll share a video that's hopefully going to help other people or, you know, teach them something or help them with something in some way or share an idea or a thought that I have, but it's meant for a hundred or a million or however many people get it or consume it or relate to it versus if I were to send a personal, private, encouraging message to someone, it's like there's more of a connection.
Emily Montgomery [00:21:18]:
Yeah, it's what makes you feel better because you are actively participating in a human relationship. And that's what the research really shows. When you're recording, you may be getting feedback and comments, but it doesn't. I really just suspect that we're not going to be able to hack our way out of the way that our bodies are designed and have been developing for millennia. We are hardwired for one to one, and, like, small group interactions. And there's just no way that social media is really going to replace that.
And there's this other thing, too, going on where you used to open up Facebook or Instagram and you would see your friends. I don't see my friends anymore. I just see a bunch of people that I don't know that I may be interested in following, but I don't have that one to one relationship with them. So it's sort of shifted subtly over time, and we're not, you know, something's going on. In 2023, the surgeon general released a report about the epidemic of loneliness and I forget the exact age bracket, I think it's 15 to 20, 15 to 21. They are the age bracket with the highest rates of loneliness.
And that's really counterintuitive because they are with their peers. They're in high school, they're in college. They've got lots of interactions, but they're not there. Something is missing.They're not getting that really close connection with somebody else. And it doesn't take a whole lot of people, just a couple will do.
Renee Bernes [00:23:16]:
So when you say that, that's really sad. I hadn't heard that. I feel like a lot of people in that age range and other age ranges, too, I still remember I was working with a younger girl. She was maybe, like, 16. This was a few years ago.
And she and I were talking and having a really great conversation, and then her friend came over, they both immediately pulled out their phones and started looking at their phones, and I was like, what just happened? They weren't even speaking to each other anymore. But she was great at conversing with me. She was wonderful. We were having, like, a real connection. But then when her friend came over, it was like they both, it's almost like, I think a lot of people are learning to connect through their phones, or I'm noticing that when I go to get together, people will say, oh, have you seen this video?
I'm like, I don't want to look at your phone. Well, while we're here together in a group, you know, are we kind of like losing the ability to connect with each other when we're together?
Emily Montgomery [00:24:20]:
Yeah. I think it comes from that impulse to look in the same direction with somebody else, like, look over to a sunset or look over the ocean or something. And we do a better job of remembering where something is at, rather than remembering the thing itself, like, where, how our memory works. So I think for myself, at least, I remember things almost through pictures, so I want to share a picture with a friend which is on my phone.
I think what would be better is almost just creating the space to have a real conversation, like, hey, how are you? Really?
And that it requires space and time and sort of a willingness to sit in a little bit of discomfort.
Renee Bernes [00:25:22]:
Oh, absolutely. I think I'm a natural comfort zone pusher. I feel like I love really deep, open conversations, but I work from home, and I do a lot of my conversing online. So do you feel like there's a difference, or have you heard where you and I are conversing and talking? And I'm loving the conversation, but is there still some sort of disconnect that's happening because we're doing it through screens.
Emily Montgomery [00:25:58]:
I don't know about that. I do know that the thing that I guess I will point to is that video does not have an incremental benefit over audio. So the connection that we have is based on us hearing each other and understanding who the person is through the voice. And that's one of the reasons why my app doesn't have video to it. Because your appearance can become an inhibitor. Right. Like, is my hair messy? Am I sick? Or maybe my color is not quite right because I haven't been feeling well.
So everything in the app is designed to get rid of those barriers. I don't know if there's research on this topic, but I don't personally feel a big issue with Zoom or with online communications
You can definitely have an authentic connection online. But, I also really want to be careful about making technology the enemy. I think technology can be a friend and a tool. I think the thing that I would like to contribute to the idea of people being more thoughtful about how they're picking up their phone or what app they're opening and how they're really using their time.
Renee Bernes [00:27:39]:
Yeah. That makes so much sense, because technology is not going anywhere by any means. And to use it in a healthy way is amazing. I get to connect with you.
All of these miles between us and things like that. And I think a lot of people really began to appreciate technology. I know I did. During COVID even though we've been maybe in front of our screens more during lockdowns. We used to do game nights. We've got a big blended family, so we have older kids where we did game nights with them through Zoom. You know, it was able to connect us in so many ways.
It's the HiLU app. How would using that kind of, like, help the connection for people, say, for me and my family? Like, how would we use it between, like, me and my kids kind of thing?
Emily Montgomery [00:28:31]:
Yeah. Well, you would basically send audio notes in the same way that you do now. The advantage that you would be giving your kids is they would be collecting the audio notes in one place, and they could get those sorts of affirming messages from other people. It's about sending them as well as collecting them and creating that practice of doing this as almost like a yoga practice, right? It's a meditation. It's something that you can come back to. When you talk about other-centered kindness, a lot of people wish that they did it more, but they don't. They get busy, they run out of time, their kids are running them crazy. They just want them to go to bed, you know? So, in that way, the really important gets pushed out by the urgent or the day-to-day.
And then you get into bed and you're like, gosh, maybe I could have done or handled that situation in a little bit more positive of a manner. And the nice thing about sending voice notes is that you can kind of keep them in this repository. If you've got a teenager who's not open to it now, they might be later. That would mean everything to them in their twenties or their thirties or what have you.
Renee Bernes [00:29:56]:
That makes so much sense. And I think as you're saying that you had a dad who started struggling with Alzheimer's. I know so many people who will go back and listen to old voicemails and things like that from people who have passed away.
Emily Montgomery [00:30:14]:
Yeah. As soon as people kind of connect with the voicemails, they understand what I'm kind of about. But, you know, people lose those voicemails and then they're in this little part of your phone, you can only store so many of them. My voicemail is constantly 90% full, and there's something about it where, you know, the voicemail is nice, but it's not a kind of intentional, like, hey, Emily, I see that you're going out and you're doing this thing, and it's just so brave, and it really brings me a lot of substance. And thank you for being in my life. Right. It's not that sort of thing.
It's like, “hey, where are you? I thought we were having dinner. Call me back. Bye.” And so people love the voice, and I've got some of those myself from friends that have passed and they mean everything. But my dream is that we all kind of diligently do this as a part of life so that we don't have to wait for the eulogies and the funerals and that people can see the best parts of themselves now.
Renee Bernes [00:31:39]:
Oh, that's so huge. I love that.
Emily Montgomery [00:31:42]:
Yeah. Thank you.
Renee Bernes [00:31:44]:
I guess I have kind of a question. So to use that, using the app. Is it like everyone, like, if I were to share it with a friend, both need to download the app and just send them through the app. Is that kind of how it works?
Emily Montgomery [00:31:58]:
Sort of. So it's actually a web app, which I didn't know what it was before I started developing this. But you do not need to download the app in order to use it. You just go to my website, you hit record, you send somebody an audio note, and then you end up texting it to them, and then they get it saved in their messages on the HiLU and then you can actually download the icon so it will be on your phone as well. So eventually it functions as an app once you download the icon.
Renee Bernes [00:32:39]:
Oh, that's really interesting.
Emily Montgomery [00:32:41]:
Yeah.
Renee Bernes [00:32:42]:
Very cool.
Emily Montgomery [00:32:43]:
Yeah. We wanted to keep it simple. Because if you have to download it, that's another barrier. So if you just go to the website, it's just really quick and easy.
Renee Bernes [00:32:54]:
Yeah. And then it saves for on both sides.
Emily Montgomery [00:32:57]:
Is that it saves on the recipient side.
Renee Bernes [00:33:01]:
Okay. Oh, that's really sweet. So kind of what types of messages are you encouraging people to send? I know you've kind of given us some examples.
Emily Montgomery [00:33:15]:
I'm sorry, can you ask that?
Renee Bernes [00:33:17]:
No, it's okay. So what types of messages are you encouraging people to send on the app? I know you've given a few different examples of, you know, positive kind of encouraging messages, but are there certain things that you're really encouraging people to use the app for?
Emily Montgomery [00:33:36]:
Really anything. If something comes to mind where you're grateful for somebody being in your life, that is a perfect opportunity to send a quick message. It doesn't need to be a formal event. It doesn't need to be a birthday or anniversary. But if that is what kind of triggers you to remember something that you could thank somebody for, that's really it. It's really just about telling the other person what they mean to you.
Renee Bernes [00:34:07]:
Yeah, well, and intentionally choosing that gratitude or that going out of your way to give those words of affirmation is so huge.
Emily Montgomery [00:34:19]:
Yeah. And the important thing, I think, is it can be part of your own wellness practice because it makes you feel better regardless of what happens for the recipient, and there are a number of benefits for them. It makes you feel like you've contributed, you've done something good. You're doing something that really matters.
Renee Bernes [00:34:44]:
Yeah. So I just kind of can't help but think you were saying, like, when you'd left your self voice memos you heard the foot crunching in the background. I myself can imagine myself wanting to send a whole bunch of messages during my daily walks. When I take walks, I feel like that's when my brain is usually just, like, flowing. Would you think that'd be easy enough to do? Because once it's downloaded on my phone, you just kind of tap and kind of could send them off to people while you're strolling.
Emily Montgomery [00:35:10]:
Yep, absolutely.
Renee Bernes [00:35:13]:
Oh, that's so great. And then I'm just going to keep spiraling here. I need a pen.
Emily Montgomery [00:35:19]:
You're giving me good feature ideas, right?
Renee Bernes [00:35:21]:
Well, and I have another really good idea. I think I started diaries for my kids before they were born and when they were babies. So it'll say, like, January 2010 today, you rolled over and I wrote it out. How great would it be to have it have been recorded if I could have recorded my voice throughout the last, you know, 13 years and they could have kind of heard my little verbal diary for them that day. Does it? And then I would save for them in the spot like that.
Emily Montgomery [00:35:55]:
Yeah, It's not quite designed that way right this second, but we'll definitely, I think we'll build into that is something I've thought about. I mean, we've got some regulatory things. You know, we can't target kids under 13. Like, even Instagram and Facebook, they say it's not for kids under 13, so there's that. But I do think that there's a place where parents can record messages over time to their kids, and I wish I had that. That'd be absolutely fantastic.
Renee Bernes [00:36:31]:
Oh, that makes sense, though, the age register. I think that would be so amazing whether a kid's 13 or 65. I know. I think we all still want those little blurbs of encouragement from a parent or whatnot.
Emily Montgomery [00:36:48]:
And particularly, you know, when you are a kid, you may not be in a place - I think we touched on this - but you might not be in a place where you can really hear or appreciate a message like that.
Renee Bernes [00:37:01]:
Yeah, unfortunately.
Emily Montgomery [00:37:03]:
Yeah. But you might later, right?
Renee Bernes [00:37:06]:
Oh, absolutely. Do you care if I grab something to drink really quick? It's fine. My throat started to get really dry really quick. I'm sorry.
Emily Montgomery [00:37:20]:
Yeah, I can't imagine recording a podcast when you're just not feeling well.
Renee Bernes [00:37:27]:
I'm doing better than I was, so.
Emily Montgomery [00:37:29]:
Yeah.
Renee Bernes [00:37:30]:
Oh, so I keep saying that over and over again. Okay.
Emily Montgomery [00:37:35]:
You know, I listened to your podcast on toxic positivity, gratitude and toxic positivity. It sounds like you're a little bit trained to brainwash yourself. You're like, “I feel fine.”
Renee Bernes [00:37:48]:
Oh, no. I guess maybe, like, obnoxious optimism is what I would call this. Just, I was so sick on Friday, I was struggling to even get out of bed or do anything. And so now I'm just stuffy and a little dry throat. Like, I'll take this over that me day, you know? Yeah. But it's funny, you kind of mentioned positivity when we started chatting or gratitude. For me, that was huge in helping me appreciate what I currently have is through that practicing of, like, taking the time to be grateful. I feel like the HiLU app, that sounds like it would be a really great place to start.
Renee Bernes [00:38:38]:
If you're wanting to do a more intentional gratitude practice, it'd be such a great way to kind of encourage yourself to do it. So something I did when I started practicing gratitude, I read a book. I think it's called a simple act of gratitude. But this man wrote out thank you cards to just everybody in his life like crazy because he was really stressed and things were going wrong, and he talked about how things started to get better when he started to do the gratitudes. So I spent one Christmas, I wrote out intense thank you cards to everybody, like, really big gratitude cards. So I love the idea of kind of having this app in the background that's, like, encouraging me to get out there and find more ways to be grant grateful, whereas trying to find my right words, but to kind of, like, make a pact with yourself. I'm going to send three people positive, encouraging messages today.
Emily Montgomery [00:39:42]:
Yeah. I think it helps people focus on other people, and I think a distinction I want to draw and that I think would be helpful for people is between gratitude and other centered kindness. Personally, you tell me to have gratitude practice, and there's a part of me that doesn't necessarily know what that means. Right. There's being grateful for the things in your life, but then there's the practice of reaching out to others and telling them what they mean to you. So it's like there's a Venn diagram, right. They sort of overlap a little bit, but they are different things.
So the HiLU app is really centered around other centered kindness, and that includes some gratitude for people in your life. Does that make sense?
Renee Bernes [00:40:44]:
Oh, yeah
Emily Montgomery [00:40:45]:
And it's interesting, I feel like we don't have the right - We don't have a lot of good language around this concept of other centered kindness. We've got a bunch of approximating words, but not really what I'm talking about, which is sort of taking the time to speak to somebody's higher self. There's a level of alchemy to it, where there's some part of ignoring some negative tendencies.
And I think there's a strain in there from positive parenting. Like, you don't reward the negative behavior by, like, scolding. Right. That's giving them attention. You just sort of let it drop into the bucket, and instead, you just try to build up the positive.
Renee Bernes [00:41:34]:
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I love that. So if people want to find the app, where is the website that they can get started doing this?
Emily Montgomery [00:41:44]:
Yeah, it's at teamhilu.com, and it's HilU and short for hi, I love you.
Renee Bernes [00:41:52]:
Oh, okay. That's really cute. Makes sense. And easy to remember.
Emily Montgomery [00:41:57]:
Yeah, I always like to tell people what it stands for. Otherwise, there's all sorts of misspellings that can occur.
Renee Bernes [00:42:06]:
So people can go to teamhilu.com and just start sending messages.
Emily Montgomery [00:42:12]:
Yep, that's. That's correct. I'd love to see everybody.
Renee Bernes [00:42:16]:
Oh, perfect. Is there any other ways that people can kind of connect with you or you have, like, instagrams or anything like that where people can connect?
Emily Montgomery [00:42:24]:
We're on all the socials @teamhilu.
Renee Bernes [00:42:27]:
Oh, great. Well, thank you so much, Emily. That's amazing. I'm excited to see how it takes off and get to give it a try.
Emily Montgomery [00:42:36]:
Yeah. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me on.